## Mooseweek J July 14, 2003 3

Exclusive interview with Boris Elchner,

owner of the „Elch Bar“ at LaPaWop

Boris, compared to the dilapidated building you occupied in LaPaMa, the new "Elch Bar" looks elegant and cosy. Are you're aiming to attract a wealthier elk clientele? And how can the racing class elk or moose still afford to patronize your establishment?

Our doors are open to everyone. The Elch Bar is an equal opportunity business and we serve everybody the same, be he elk or moose of any social or racing standing. We pride outselves in keeping our hooves planted firmly on the ground, and you can expect the same good service you received at LaPaMa.

Well, that's interesting then. In order to afford such luxury renovations you must have been doing a very good business at LaPaMa. Would you say your profit margins were steep or did you make your money on volume sales?

As much as I'd like to say racers are notorious drinkers, that wouldn't be entirely true. You see, the fact is the "Elch Bar" at LaPaMa was located on an outside curve which a number of monster truck drivers... hmm, how shall I say... found difficult to negotiate. As a result, there were several spectacular crashes from which I was able to gain substantial sums from the insurance settlements. So, I decided to create another elk-friendly pit stop. This time, however, you'll notice that the Elch Bar is safely located on the inside curve....

... and again near the start finish line of the race course. Is this a coincidence?

Absolutely not. The "Elch Bar" is the natural meeting point for racing enthusiasts. When a group is ready to roll, they don't want to take a half hour scenic drive before they even get to the track. Elks are like that. When they want to race, they want to do it and they want it now. Moose are even worse! The same holds true after a race. It's time to stop driving and start drinking... in a friendly atmosphere where the winners can boast and the losers can talk trash about the next time. I'm thinking about starting an Elch Franchise so hopefully there'll soon be an Elch Bar on every race course.

Sounds reasonable, but isn't it strange that Replica Fan's Garage is near the Sanatorium & Spa?

That's Sanitarium! And yes the garage is optimally located, for two reasons. First is that after a, um, mishap, drivers, while their truck is being repaired at the garage, are likely to enjoy recovering in the sanitarium, which, after all, is the best place around to get a broken antler fixed. And once truck and driver are mended and ready for action, he simply walks over to the garage and picks up his truck. No taxi or ride required. The second reason is the proximity to the elk test drive area where towing requests are, hmm, not infrequent.

You mention the divided, maze-like zone after RF's garage. Why do you call it elk test?

In Europe, that's a standard test for drivers. The design simulates an unexpected elk standing on the road and forces the driver to perform the emergency maneuver needed to avoid an accident. Basically, it's a short but sharp slalom. Don't believe Rocketalces, that guy is full of, hehe, stories, when he tells you the elk test is a test drive performed by an elk.

Back to the track. Do you know why the course splits into two symmetrical lanes?

Of course, that's the point of the test. The right lane is easier at entry and the left one is better when you exit. From what I've heard, it is a good place for passing opportunities. If you're faster than the moose in the other lane, he can't block you.

Is it true that in spite of Rocketalces being the track designer, there are no slippery areas anywhere in the track??

Yes, that's correct today, but it wasn't always like that. The rocky section in the arena was initially extremely slippery. Rocketalces himself won the sanitarium's "Frequent Lier Platinum Card". It got so bad the other drivers went on strike, and only agreed to end it once their trucks were equipped with super soft MadGrip™ tires, and after hundreds test laps has created a highly adhesive deposit on the rocks. Now, with medium tires you have approximately the same grip as you would on a normal dirt surface.

Well, if there are no slippery surfaces, and with a picturesque cascading water fall shortly after the start, this sounds like an easy scenic drive. Are there any challenges for the hard core racer?

With more and more tracks becoming available every day, a little bit of eye-candy appeals to more racers, even those who claim they don't care about such things. And it may also help to attract the attention of reviewers. These days they're more likely to write about the cascade, its color, how smoothly the water flows as it accelerates during its fall, why it accelerates during its fall etc. etc. etc. than about the grandeur, dignity and majestic qualities of elks in the neighbourhood. Of course, by that I mean the track. And that's fine by me. Whether visitors come for racing or for the falls, they all get thirsty or hungry and wind up in the Elch Bar. But coming back to your question: of course the cascade is scenic, but I can assure you that LaPaWop is a true drivers track. Residents of the sanitarium will attest to that.

Please, tell us more.

As we already mentioned, there is the elk test area with separate lanes where even the most seasoned moose commonly over-estimates his skills and crashes into the barriers. But that's only the appetizer. Serious business starts at the toboggan, the almost vertical entry point into the arena. That's definitely a high accident zone, especially when passing attempts fail, which they usually do, and result in tremendous pile ups as well as loss of time for the entire herd. On the other side of the arena, the tight hairpin can do you in. If you go too wide, missing the upper bridge, you'll be forced onto the lower "emergency" ramp instead. It's not all hazard, but its rocks, ramps, jumps, bridges and posts will challenge racers of any driving level. And best of all, if you make it to the exit, you'll be happy to see the back of the Elch Bar, where you'll be ready for a drink. Oh, and don't forget, you'll get a 100% free drink for your first 100% crash-free lap. Just submit the replay to the barmoose.

What is this hype about "popup-free" tracks we keep hearing about? I mean, what's up with that?

Rocketalces often mumbles totally incomprehensible things about viewing distances and hills growing out of nothing. He seems to consider this evil and sometimes asks for whole mountains to be moved. But I must confess, I don't have the slightest idea what he's talking about. I went around the track many many times and was never able to observe anything like an invisible hill suddenly popping up when you get closer to it.

Really no clue, huh?

Clueless, sorry.

One last question: Why is it spelled "Elch Bar"? Shouldn't it be "Elk Bar"?

There's no misspelling there. "Elch" is simply the German word for elk. But the service and refreshments are great in any language.

Boris, thanks for you time and good luck with the new Bar!

Credits Phineus Corrector / Editor of Mooseweek Winterkill Village architecture & moose casting Malibu350 MTM2 texture conversion of "Construction Zone" and "Tibet". The bridges and many other objects were downloaded from his well organized site and adapted to the track. http://rhinoseros.com/~malibu350/main.html LEMOG Maya 3D Seamless textures, especially the water http://perso.club-internet.fr/lemog/lemog_textures/acc_textures01.html TRI Maker of MTM2 and original textures for EVO2 MTMG forum Thanks to everybody participating in the discussions.