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when i race online with someone, my truck runs fine, but my chat messages come in like 10 seconds late
Make sure you have the chat message option set to 1 sec in the Options,Game menu.
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other truck always goes forward, then jumps backward, then forward again. kind of like taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back. is this because i don't have the other person's truck mounted?
What kind of connection do you have? If you have Dial-Up and you try and race someone with Cable/DSL you will sometimes get that Forward/Backward lag.
It is NOT because you dont have the other persons truck podded. If you did, you would get even more lag if the other truck has a high Vert count. Just keep your truck podded, not the other players.
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is there any programs that i need to reduce or eliminate this problem?
In the games Graphics options, try turning down all your settings.
Image Quality = Low
Scenery = Low
They click HARDWARE OPTIONS, un-check all the boxes, make sure the Buffer options are set to OFF and set your View Distance to about 50 and try playing.
That should help.